he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
