You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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