so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
