I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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