He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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