You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
