Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize