yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
