My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
