was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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