By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
