dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
