32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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