Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish I only lived at night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
