the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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