I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
