He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
