I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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