I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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