he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
