How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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