If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
