i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
