It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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