I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize