I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize