its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
