Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
