I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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