Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
