I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have post one night stand depression
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