I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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