WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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