Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
