I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My penis needs a shock collar
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
