I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize