i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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