I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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