my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im part way to drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
