you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
