Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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