its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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