have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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