I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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