Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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