She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
