If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize