a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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