I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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