I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
