CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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