Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
