I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
