He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
