you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
