I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
