was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
