I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
