I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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