well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
