hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
