Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
