C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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