I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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