We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
