I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
