I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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