My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
