Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
