It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
vagina is talking i cant
it glows. i had to have it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
