we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
