dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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