mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
