3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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